Sunday, June 22, 2008

The Great "Green" Controversy

Yep, since I so aptly tackled economics in my last post (which garnered rave reviews, by the way), I thought my next post should plunge into the depths of the politics of environmental science. I've applied the whole of my greatly advanced mind to finding the all-encompassing solution to the question of man vs. nature, and I have come to an important conclusion which will change the world as we know it. Or at least, my corner of the world. Okay, SOME tiny, though not unimportant, portion of the world will be different before this is all over.
So, not too long ago, I posted that we had finally planted grass in our backyard. We had already tackled the front yard a couple of years ago. I didn't do anything special, and right now we have a front yard that looks like this:
It's luscious, is it not?
So I rather confidently purchased seed for the back yard that came packaged in a bag emblazoned with words and pictures that painted promises of a future lawn that would look like this:
The seed (Smart Seed, by the way, with advanced water-utilizing technology--ooh, aah) was planted, fertilized, and watered, the result of this tireless effort being that I now have a back yard that looks like this:

ARRRGH!!!!
Tim just pointed out that much of the green in the above picture is not even grass.

So I figure I still have a few options.

--Take a brief hiatus from my religion to allow for either a quick appeal to Demeter, Greek goddess of the green earth, or a quick cursing of her. I haven't decided which would be the quickest way to command her immediate respect.

--Rain fire, brimstone and herbicide down on my wicked, wicked lawn as punishment for its disobedience.

--Skip the fire and brimstone and just let the July sun do all the work for me (not as theraputic, but just as effective, and probably a lot less expensive, seeing as I have not yet harnessed the ability to shoot fire and brimstone from my fingers, therefore I would have to go out and purchase some "supplies"--does anyone have a good recipe for brimstone?).

--Drastically scale back my wrath and go for the gentler method of reseeding bit by bit, covering the delicate seeds with comforting mulch, misting continuously with soothing droplets of water, all the while speaking soft, welcoming words and blowing kisses to the earth.

I think I've come to a conclusion, but I would like to hear what you think. I'm not above soliciting the advice of others. But I will warn you that after you have all put your two cents in, not only will I ignore it and make my own decision, but I'll probably then go so far as to tell you all to mind your own business, and then start ranting about how Tim and I will raise our own back yard OUR way, thank you very much! And all for the purpose of leaving everyone feeling as confused, frustrated, and betrayed as I do.

Oh, Grass, why do you mock me?!

In a note of much lesser importance, we recently celebrated Keller's birthday. Happy birthday Keller-Beller Cuddlebug! Mommy's just joking. You're more important than grass, and you grow a heck of a lot better!

5 comments:

Brittany said...

growing children sounds much less complicated than growing grass. stick to what you know...

Julie K said...

I have yet to successfully grow anything other than children (insert your own sarcastic remark here). I have exactly two houseplants that are well on their way to extinction, and the only reason I even have those is:
One was a gift (obviously this well-intentioned gift giver didn't know me very well) and the other I purchased myself for the next time I burn my hand. It is an aloe vera plant. I bought it last summer after an unfortunate incident involving burning hot magma (which I was whipping up in the oven) and haven't had occasion to use it yet. So I had a personal revelation the other day: I can only tend living things that have the ability to cry/whine/loudly complain. House plants in their agony are too quiet to catch my attention.

Judy Ryan said...

I willingly sit at your cyber-feet and soak up economic and, now, environmental wisdom whenever you offer it, but two things threaten: 1. Your husband doesn't seem to think he is getting enough computer time anymore to hone his game skills -and- 2. I get caught up in the picture slide show to the right and twice now have forgotten to actually read your blog. This is the third time I've had to pull it up.

TNIRYAN said...

Wow, I thought I was the only one always staring at the slide show like it's some lava lamp--"Oh, look, there's Meriel. I love that picture. Doesn't Rheanna look cute with the goat? Ian used to be so tiny. Boy, my kids are adorable. The music fits that photo perfectly. Gosh, I'm good."

Kelly B said...

Hi! I agree with Julie (shocker)-if it doesn't whine loudly enough, it will probably be neglected. Plants (and grass) just aren't needy enough.

We are doing a square foot garden and it was going very well until the tomatoes decided to catch some weird mutated bird-flu-tomato-virus-thing and kick the bucket. My kids are extremely distressed over the dying tomato "crop" (BOTH tomato plants!), and Quinn obsessively checks the internet for tomato CPR strategies, and re-diagnoses the problem every other day. Never a dull moment.

Although I personally prefer to grow children, I just started growing organic sprouts. This in an attempt to hide these nutrition-packed little nuggets in my childrens' meals. Are you impressed yet? Ba dum dum! :)